Detachment and Rescue

"You shall have no other gods before me." Deuteronomy 5:7

I love putting together puzzles. When I purchase a new puzzle, I open the box, pour out all the pieces, and begin separating the edge pieces from the rest. Sometimes the puzzle is more challenging than I'd hoped. I'd been sorting through pieces of my life. I'd had a conversation with my oldest sister that left me hurt and angry. As I processed the conversation with the Lord, the Lord had some thoughts He wanted to share with me. He helped me see why I attached to this sister. I expected my mom to meet emotional needs, but she was emotionally crippled and unavailable. This sister listened to me and expressed empathy and compassion during my teenage years. At the time, she seemed the best option. As I processed with the Lord, I found myself thinking about expectations, disappointment, and unmet needs. I thought about unhealthy attachment and said out loud, "That's not healthy." I attached to people for things God wanted to provide for me. I put myself in the other person's shoes and imagined what it felt like to attach to them. I thought about how unfair it was to expect them to meet my unmet needs and then get upset when they couldn't. I thought about the burden I was laying on them to provide for me, all the while Jesus was there, waiting. I must run to Jesus for rescue. The expectation, "You owe me," came back into focus as I thought about the counsel I received from Barb a few years earlier. She said, "You don't owe anyone anything because they don't owe you anything."

I thought about my salvation experience. During a youth retreat, the pastor gave a message to a group of us to receive Jesus as our Lord and Savior. Trusting the Lord felt scary. So I hesitated. The next day, I asked Jesus to forgive me for all my sins and come into my heart. As I processed with the Lord after my conversation with my sister, I realized that sharing my emotional needs with others felt safe. Sharing them with Him felt uncomfortable. What He was showing me was why I attached to people.

Fourteen years ago, I sought counsel from Jana. God wanted me to see the attachment I had with Pete, my husband. I remember asking the Lord, "What does Jana see, and probably others, that I'm not seeing?" He showed my hand holding onto God's hand, and my other hand reaching down to hold onto Pete's hand. He was showing me that I was holding on to Pete for security. He wanted me to let go of Pete's hand so that my dependency would be in Him alone. I couldn't unsee what God showed me. I had a decision to make. I immediately let go of Pete's hand. Spontaneously, I said, "Jesus, You are my Lord and Savior."

Jesus' peace and freedom filled my heart and the room. There was stillness.

Jesus is there for me in every circumstance and wants me to call out for rescue.