Hard Conversations
I was out on my walk, and thoughts about avoiding came to mind. I thought about the discomfort that is involved in having difficult conversations. Next, I was thinking about how I have to ask myself: "Is it my place to share this information with them? Is it loving or kind? Will this information be helpful? What is my motivation and why do I need to share this information?". I avoid saying the hard thing to another person because I do not want to hurt them. God tells us to speak the truth in love. He wants me to seek Him first, so He can guide my heart to love the person as He does. A conversation flows more smoothly and is received better when I carefully choose words that create a safe environment. Another reason to pray is that He may have a different perspective that He wants to share with me. I had this happen recently, and I am so thankful He gave me the information that He did. It led me to ministry opportunities.
There are people in my life who say they love me but avoid having difficult conversations with me. Their lack of information and communication causes suspicion in my heart and creates a vibe that makes me question what is going on.
Some people avoid difficult conversations and prefer to send messages in the third person. They throw out information, hoping I will pick it up and realize it was for me. Then I ask myself, "Are they talking about me?" When something seems off, I need to get soft and ask hard questions: "What's going on?", "I'm picking up on something, is everything ok?", "Have I said something that has hurt or offended you?"
When a person doesn't take responsibility for something that hurt them, they might smile, laugh nervously, or make a snarky comment. These are all code for, "I'd rather do this than share my true feelings." Snarkiness cuts to the heart and can damage the relationship. I would prefer if they said, "Ouch, that hurt." Honesty works better for me.
I am an avoider. I've been working on not being a people-pleaser. The transition has been tricky. If I know I am not being forthright with a person, I need to take responsibility for my words and speak the truth in love. In the past, confronting another person has gotten me into trouble. I should have taken the time to pray and ask the Lord what He wants. I need to learn better communication skills. It has to start with the LORD.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, and I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. I Corinthians 13:11 A counselor mentioned that a second grader shares everything. A wise person gives thought to her words. She shared that if I need clarity, I need to get curious, compassionate, and kind. It makes sense as I've been piecing together encrypted information that people have been communicating to me. The bottom line is that I must take responsibility for myself and not expect others to do the work for me.
Hard conversations are necessary if the relationship is going to thrive and be healthy.
